Perpetual Becoming
Paying Attention to the ProcessArchive for Virtue
A Little Less Talk…
You know the rest of the phrase.
I haven’t posted yet this week. Life happens, it’s been busy, but that’s only part of the story. One of the things I’ve realized is that I’m a brilliant talker. Not brilliant in the sense that I claim to be amazing – but rather that sometimes I do it and think it is enough.
Well for me, that’s not entirely true – I tend to write more naturally than I speak, but the point is the same. This week I’ve been taking stock of where my action needs to catch up with my talk.
Two statements that I encountered in the past week or so have been the impetus for these thoughts:
“Causing significant change is different than just being brilliant.” ~ Bill Drayton founder of Ashoka
“Enthusiasm felt for a virtue is by no means tantamount to the possession of that virtue” ~ Dietrich von Hildebrand. (Ben gets the gold star for identifying the quote for me – see comments)
I won’t quit talking – and I hope you wont’ either; it is an essential element that leads us to our actions (or inactions – sometimes that’s the better choice). I do however want to make sure it’s not the only thing I’m doing.
Metaphors and Marathons – Part II
This is the second installment of a post I wrote awhile back, if you need to get caught up click here.
As of tomorrow I will have completed week 10 of 17 and over 220 miles of training for the Chicago marathon. In the first post I said that for me running this race was not only about physical gains, but also learning from the metaphor saying, “I had always thought of this metaphor in terms of the race, but I think that I’ve missed it. I’m coming to realize that the true test (and true lesson) is in the training.” This statement has rung true even more than I expected.
I expected to learn things about myself along the way, and many of those things I anticipated. It took several weeks to build the habit and feel ‘normal’ about running almost every single day. I was very aware of that inner struggle between discipline and sloth or cutting corners; especially on days when I ‘just didn’t feel like it’ or had something I’d rather spend my time doing. It’s been incredibly rewarding to have remained committed and see it pay off, even though I have a long road ahead.
Perhaps the biggest lesson I’m learning was one I didn’t anticipate at all – my lack of patience. After all this is a RACE right? In my mind races are about pushing hard, going fast, and beating the competition. What I didn’t realize is that this is a very different kind of race. As my runs have gotten longer (I now run for hours on Saturdays) I’ve become aware of a potential fatal flaw in my approach – my lack of patience.
It manifests itself very simply; I start every run too fast. It feels great, I’m loving the pace, enjoying the weather (reference my aforementioned default to push hard and ‘win’) – but what I can’t see is that in my shortsightedness I’m making a decision that will come back to haunt me in about 10 miles. I’m learning that this race is about finishing well even more than it is about starting well.
It’s a simple idea, but I feel as though it’s given me a lot of food for thought (as well as some necessary adjustments to my training in the 7 weeks I have left to figure this out). As I’ve reflected on it, I think I approach life this way at times as well. There’s no shame in pushing hard – but I need to know where I’m going and pick the appropriate pace to actually get there. For a default “pusher” like me, that often requires patience.
What metaphors have emerged for you in the last couple months? What are they teaching you?
A Fool Forgiving a Fool
“I am learning to love my neighbor, and to live by the golden rule. It’s so hard, I’ve been lied to; I feel like a fool forgiving a fool.” – Jason Upton
The words from this song have been bouncing around in my head for a couple days. If you’re not familiar with Jason Upton he is an amusingly great combination of poet, prophet, recording artist, and weirdo. He’s one of the few artists from his genre that I find compelling; I think it has to with his simple honesty. In this song he talks about learning to love like a parent loves their kids – unconditionally. He’s a storyteller, and he shares how he had recently become a father realizing for the first time just how hard an endeavor this is.
The line that won’t go way is the title of this post –“I feel like a fool forgiving a fool.” Love isn’t truly love until it involves someone else. It is in fact possible to love one’s self, and most of us do, but that’s not really what I’m interested in. The Golden Rule or “do unto others” is a widely accepted and practiced social/moral/religious axiom. It exists in various forms in both religious and secular philosophies. Its very purpose is to translate even a small portion of our love for ourselves into a love for others. I think this is on the short list of simple ideas that could change the world for the better.
Forgiveness is a huge part of loving others. I’m far from perfect, and I’m fairly certain we all fall a bit short. It follows then that we’re all going to let each other down at some point – and at some other point to maintain relationship we’re going to have to forgive each other. So why is it so hard?
For starters, it’s a fact; we do love ourselves more than other people most of the time. Self-preservation is instinctual and often necessary, but it also tends to interfere with forgiveness. Basic self-preservation isn’t the only force at work here. If someone does something to hurt us we tend to view his or her action as foolish, and if it is a repeated offense we might consider the entire person a fool. It’s no wonder that there’s something in us that feels a bit foolish forgiving this person. Why let this foolish action or foolish person off the hook? Fools should be revealed for what they are! Those statements appeal to my sense of justice and have me ready to bring down the hammer…up till the moment I remember I am also one of those fools.
We may be within our rights in not offering forgiveness. Criminal laws are a prime example of a type of ‘sanctioned non-forgiveness’ in the interest of safety and order, but what about our relationships and simple interactions? What if we (I) were concerned less with our rights and more with civic virtues like love and trust that can be created by offering genuine forgiveness? What would that society look like?
Perhaps I won’t feel so foolish next time I consider forgiving another’s failure if I remember that I also need others to forgive my own foolishness. And to all those who I have failed to forgive: please forgive me for being the fool.
One Small Step For [Wo]Man…
September 30, 2009 at 10:44 am · Filed under Causes, Commentary, Life, Technology, Virtue
For the last 12 days the site has been dedicated to raising money for World Vision through the Chicago Marathon on October 11th. In a little over a week we raised $1,000 – I think that’s something to celebrate.
I’ve been so encouraged and inspired by the generosity of Perpetual Becoming readers. I’m also not surprised. As I’ve interacted with many of you both online and off I know this is simply who you are. That being said, please allow me to say THANK YOU! It has been fun to raise this money together, I feel tons of support going into the race, and it was a great birthday present.
It has also been a reminder for me of the positive power of social media and technology. There is plenty of material out there pertaining to what social media is and what it isn’t; the pros/cons, positives and pitfalls, etc.
I acknowledge the common critiques that include narcissism, voyeurism, consumerism (and other isms
) – and I think the potential danger of these by-products is real. I also think there exists an equally compelling list of positives. Read the rest of this entry »
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